He Should Be Here
by Green Rainboots
Summary: It's the night Mary's born, but it's not all happiness and joy for Annie and Eric. Not with what happened two years ago.


_If you don't like sad stories, I'm not sure you should read this one. It's kinda sad. It's based on the "what if" situation that is "what if Dr. Hastings hadn't just nearly killed Matt?"_

* * *

For the first time in hours, Annie is left to herself and some much-wanted peace. The doctors and nurses have left, and Eric went to call both their parents and give them all the full-scale updates. So Annie is left in her room with her sleeping newborn baby. Mary's a beautiful little girl. She'll grow up to be a beautiful little girl, and then a beautiful young woman, Annie is sure of it. Eric will have trouble keeping the boys away from their daughter when she becomes a teenager. Mary will be troublesome from time to time, but she'll make her parents proud.

Annie's vision blurs from unshed tears. She carefully strokes Mary's face with the tip of a finger, and the tears start falling. Annie barely manages to stop herself from trembling, because she doesn't want to wake Mary. She just cries, silent sobs escaping her.

_He_ should be with them. He's not supposed to be dead.

Annie hugs Mary a little tighter to her body. It's been two years now, and it took a whole year for Annie and Eric to get over it enough that they'd try again. And Annie was scared this time, more scared than last time. Her mother always told her that labor is scary, but Annie knows that this wasn't the type of angst that Jenny talked about. This was something different. Her main coherent thought during the excruciating hours of labor was "What if it happens again?", and she knows that Eric was thinking the same thing. They had a different doctor this time – _of course they had a different doctor_ – an older, more experienced doctor. Given their history, Annie and Eric had been given a doctor that specialized in high risk pregnancies, and had been doing a wonderful job for five years. The hospital had assured them that he was great, and both mother and baby were safe in his hands.

That didn't stop Annie from being scared for her life, and her baby's life.

But the hospital was right – _luckily_. Both mother and baby were safe in the doctor's hands, and Mary's delivery went smoothly, without any trouble. And Annie is happy that she how has her healthy baby girl, but she can't help but think that it's not fair. It's not logical. It doesn't make sense.

Why did _he_ have to die? Why did he have to be taken from his parents prematurely? Why were they unlucky enough to get a lousy doctor back then, when they had a great doctor this time?

Annie misses him. His life barely started before it ended, she barely got to know who he actually was, she barely got to see him, but just those few hours she spent with him were enough to make her miss him. She carried him in her womb for nine months, and then he was snatched from her hold just a few hours after he was born. And now there isn't much Annie wouldn't do to get him back, if she could. She knows she can't, he'll never come back to her, to them, but still… if she could.

She'd do anything for Matt.

Eric has finished calling everyone that needed to be called. His parents, Annie's parents, and his sister have now all been informed of Mary's successful birth. And now Eric slumps down on a window still in an empty hospital hall. He should be getting back to Annie and Mary, he knows, but right now, he just wants to be alone. Just him and his thoughts, just for a few minutes.

Eric was so scared. In fact, he's been scared for Annie and Mary during most of Annie's pregnancy, because what happened three years ago will never go away. And it will never be okay, either. The court was right about that.

Even with the new, more experienced doctor they had gotten instead of the lousy one they had last time, Eric was still nervous and scared that the doctor would do something wrong, and this baby would die as well. He wouldn't have been able to handle that. Not again. It was tough enough the first time. Luckily, everything went smoothly, and Annie and Eric were granted their first baby girl. And she's a perfect little girl. Eric knows he'll have trouble keeping the boys away when she gets older, and he knows that she'll make him angry, but she'll also make him proud. They'll have their ups and downs, Eric will teach her how to ride a bike, all that stuff, and some day, maybe she'll be a big sister.

And yet Mary's birth isn't all joy for Eric, and he knows Annie feels the same way. Mary's birth is a reminder of _his_ birth, and by extension his death. His extremely premature death, the one that never should have happened, because the doctor – _if anyone could call him that, even back then_ – was inexperienced, not trained properly, and way too sure of himself. His cocky attitude cost Annie and Eric their firstborn.

Eric hides his face in his hands as he feels the tears welling up in his eyes, only staying captured there for a few seconds before they spill down his cheeks. He has long ago lost count of how many times he has cried over the loss of his son. Just a couple of weeks after the tragedy had he realized he couldn't count it with his fingers anymore. It's been two years but Eric can still cry over the loss, and Annie can as well. They've cried about it together on his birthday, by his grave, for the past two years. They know they'll never stop. Even twenty years from now, they'll still be able to cry over the loss of him, and they'll still go to his grave together on his birthday. They'll never move away, Eric knows that too. Never out of town, not now, when a piece of their soul is buried here. A physically small, by mentally huge piece of both their souls.

Annie and Eric hadn't done anything about the so-called doctor back then. It didn't matter how much he apologized, or the fact that he went back to medical school. They could never forgive him. But at the same time, they were incapable of doing anything about it. And with Annie and Eric grief-stricken beyond imagination, it had been Eric's father that had sued _Dr. Hank Hastings_ for a malpractice that resulted in the untimely, unfair, unnecessary death of Colonel Camden's grandson. The trial had actually been a fairly smooth process, and Hastings lost his medical license and had to pay a fine of ten thousand dollars to Annie and Eric.

Even though nobody believed that it would do much good, and the judge had said that to a nervous and scared blonde man, who deserved everything he got, and deserved to get more punishment.

"_What you have done is unforgivable. One selfish act from you lost a pair of parents their first child. Because of your bloated ego, which you have admitted to being the reason for your actions, you killed a boy shortly after his life began. A fine won't even begin to cover what you owe Reverend and Mrs. Camden. None of what I give out as your punishment will ever begin to cover what you owe them."_

And the judge was completely right about that.

Eric sobs quietly as he sits in the window still. Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life, but Eric knows that he will never be able to fully enjoy the birth of a child the way other fathers enjoy the birth of their children. To Eric, the birth of one child will always remind him of the death of his first.

Births and birthdays will always be filled with his few memories of Matt.

* * *

Annie's mother dies in 1996, when Mary is fourteen and has three younger siblings. She gets buried next to Matt, because she had said that she wanted to be next to him, so he wouldn't feel alone, even though Annie and Eric visit that grave every day if they can. It's not always possible, but they go there as much as they can, and they take the kids with them every once in a while. They all know about Matt and his unfortunate fate, but because they didn't see him die, and because they didn't have the same connection with him as Annie and Eric had, they don't feel quite as sad about the whole ordeal.

Their good friends, Morgan and Patricia Hamilton, attend the funeral as support. Patricia briefly mentions to Annie that she thinks it's very sweet Jenny wanted to be buried next to Matt, and after Annie agree, they drop the subject. It's not that Annie and Patricia don't talk about Matt, because they do, both Annie and Eric can talk about Matt these days, it's been long enough, but on a day this sad for Annie, Patricia doesn't mention Matt more than just that one sentence. And in that moment, Annie can't help but feel a little envious of her best friend. Patricia has a son that was born the same year as Matt, and Annie just wants to have her Matt with her, just like Patricia has John. She knows that Eric feels roughly the same way, and they both know that John isn't particularly fond of the associations Annie and Eric always make between him and Matt. Not because he doesn't think what happened was tragic and horrible, but simply because it makes him a little nervous, and a little afraid that they won't like him, just because he's alive.

Matt would have been sixteen at his grandmother's funeral. He would have had his driver's license, and Annie and Eric would worry about both him and the car every time he went on a ride by himself. He would have been the big brother Simon could go to just because they would both be guys, he would have looked out for Mary and Lucy as they evolve into teenagers, and he would have watched over Ruthie as she lives her carefree life of a five-year-old.

Matt would have been great big brother to all his siblings, Annie is sure of it, and so is Eric. They only knew him for real for a few hours, but that was enough. They know that had he lived, Matt would have been a terrific son, and a wonderful big brother.

But Matt was robbed of his life before he could do anything.

* * *

_I hope you enjoyed it, even if you thought it was sad. What did you think?_


End file.
